Merry Christmas, L
by A Shinigami's Game
Summary: On a visit to Wammy's House, Near encounters his deceased hero.


The child stood in the midst of the frosty courtyard, his bright white hair blending perfectly with the falling snow. The flakes kissed his pale skin, illuminating his white coat and matching scarf so he resembled a small angel. His fists were shoved deep in his coat pockets; one clutching a finger puppet of his own making, the other closed around three tiny boxes. In the background, somewhere deep in rickety house to his back a chorus of pure children's voices rang through the halls, echoing outside through the clouds of swirling snow.

_"Hark, hear the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say "throw cares away"."_

Near took a deep breath of the chilly air, feeling the frost tingle in his lungs until he let it out in a long puff of wispy smoke.

_"Christmas is here, bringing good cheer to young and old, meek and the bold."_

He kept his gaze focused on the ground at his feet, watching with curiosity as the snow danced effortlessly to the ground to land soundlessly on top of the hard-packed whiteness that stretched for miles, covering everything.

_"Ding, dong, ding, dong. That is their song."_

Slowly he lifted his dark eyes to face the four graves that stood proudly before him, brave, unwavering and tall in the soft blizzard.

One for each of his friends.

_"With a joyful ring, all caroling, one seems to hear words of good cheer from everywhere, filling the air."_

He stepped forward cautiously, starting at the one farthest left, which was Matt's grave. Near bent and took a box out of his pocket, placing it on the snow piled before the stone cross, his knuckles brushing across the cold stone, causing a shiver to slip down his spine. He kept a straight face though his chest ached.

_"Oh how they pound, raising the sound o'er hill and dale, telling their tale."_

He slid over to the next grave, which was Mello's. Again he removed a box from his pocket, setting it gently on the ground. The wind seemed to howl a bit louder in his ears as the voices drifted eerily from Wammy's House.

_ "Gaily they ring while people sing songs of good cheer, Christmas is here."_

The pain in his chest grew stronger with each lyric, each snowflake that landed on his skin, each whip of wind that lashed at his cold face. He turned from Mello's grave to face Watari's, feeling his eyes prickle with hot tears. But crying was something he'd never experienced before, so he was shocked as a single drop of water blazed a trail down his cheek, gradually slowing as the cold outside caused it to freeze until it stopped completely halfway between his onyx eyes and his chin.

_"Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas."_

He sat in shock for a moment, staring blankly at Watari's cross headstone still fresh and undisturbed by the weather. After the surprise wore off, he shakily reached in his pocket once more, removing the final box and setting it softly down, allowing his hand to linger there for a brief moment before retracting it with a trembling sigh.

_"Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas."_

Slowly he moved to kneel before the final grave. He closed his eyes against the sight of it, feeling deep inside, to the core of his being, was filled to the brim with pain. Near did not want to open his eyes again, for he feared it would hurt too much, and he just might break.

But finally, he found the strength to look at the grave. He thought he was strong enough.

_"On, on they send, on without end, their joyful tone to every home."_

A large "L" was engraved in the icy stone; the surface still shiny and new so Near could see his own reflection on the snowy surface. Underneath the L was a single name which could never hold more of a bittersweet taste on Near's tongue.

"Lawliet…" the boy murmured; the name visible in the air as a frosty cloud.

_"Ding, dong, ding, dong."_

So that was his name. Near never knew, nor was allowed to know his hero's own true identity, though of course he never asked. Only the reason he never inquired was out of knowledge of the importance of aliases and sheer respect for L.

Another tear slipped from his eye and slid down his cheek, this time making it to the corner of his frowning lips before freezing in place.

_"Ding, dong, ding, dong."_

Near kneeled in front of L's grave for the longest time, struggling with his heart inside as every thud wracked his small body with waves of sorrow.

Never had he felt so alone in the world.

_"Hark; hear the bells, all seem to say Christmas is here, bringing good cheer."_

His feet were freezing; his hands were colder than the snow. His pale cheeks were tinted pink, as was his tiny nose, his eyes staring warily into the stone before him, as if seeing something there.

_"One seems to hear words of good cheer from everywhere, filling the air."_

Had anyone been watching from afar, it would seem that the small boy was a mourning angel. He reached out to trace the L with numb fingers, and with a curt nod reached into a hidden pocket in the chest of his white coat, pulling out a delicately wrapped, swirling, rainbow lollipop that was drizzled with chocolate. On the paper encasing the elegant candy was a jumble of letters that could possibly have said something, but to anyone but Near, it meant nothing.

_"Oh how they pound, raising the sound."_

He stared at the sweet for a brief time, wiping the frozen tears from his icy cheeks with the back of one hand and leaned forward, jabbing the stick of the lollipop downwards, plowing it into the snow so it stood meekly in front of the stone behind it.

_"O'er hill and dale, telling the tale."_

Near stood stiffly, backing away from the graves and took another long look at them, his eyes filled with incomprehensible sadness. For another moment he closed his eyes, the snow turning his eyelashes a powdery white, as if sprinkling sugar on the small boy.

But inside something very different was happening. He felt himself reach out into the darkest part of himself, feeling around for something he couldn't find. He pushed onward through his blindness, his cool breath growing quicker as he concentrated deeply on his unknown task until he could bear it no more.

He sighed angrily, snapping his eyes open once more.

_"Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas."_

He glared at the four stones until finally his expression relaxed. He tried his best to smile.

"Merry Christmas, L," he spoke directly to the cross bearing the great detective's name, then turned to the one beside it with a W. "And to you, Watari, Mello, and Matt." He also addressed the last two graves with the same smile.

_"Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas."_

At last, it was done. He could leave now, back to his room to play with his robots, cards, and dice. He turned his back on the graves with the air of someone who had a terrific weight lifted from his shoulders, though Near himself knew the feeling wouldn't last the night.

_"On, on they send, on without end."_

He walked back to the courtyard doors of Wammy's House, looking forward to the warmth guaranteed him by the flickering glow of the candles lit down the halls, as was tradition on Christmas Eve here.

_"Their joyful tone, to every home."_

Near reached eagerly for the brass knob, but stopped abruptly. Something felt odd.

He looked skywards as the wind crescendoed to a gust, sending snow from a gentle waltz to a passionate twirl. The trees creaked and swayed, dumping their loads of flakes to the ground at their trunks. Through the windows Near saw the candles in the hallway extinguish one by one until the hall was filled with dark plumes of smoke.

The boy's eyes widened as he spun to look behind him.

_"Ding, dong, ding, dong. Ding, dong, ding, dong."_

The sound of the bells echoed from the house behind him as he took a step from the doorway, the graves again coming into view, but a miraculous sight awaited him this time as opposed to when he first came and was almost overcome with grief.

His friends.

_"Ding, dong, ding, dong. Ding, dong, ding, dong."_

He stood in shock as he watched a red-haired male prying open the lid of his tiny box, smiling when he saw Near had carefully packed in it the man's PSP and his favorite games with a note with some sort of scribbling on it that he couldn't decipher.

Matt turned his head and said something to the blonde next to him, but Mello didn't seem to hear him. He was busying himself with tearing into the chocolate bar Near had placed in the box, his scarred face the picture of bliss.

Next to Mello stood a wrinkled old man with sleek silver hair and a busy mustache who Near had come to know and love as Watari. The elderly Watari gently unwrapped his box with care, draping the red ribbon over his gravestone. Watari's face gave off a warm, fatherly glow as he saw that Near had packed him the small bronze model of an airplane that was Watari's as a child, but he had given to Near one Christmas. He turned to show it to the man hunched next to him, who nodded with the smallest of smiles, his dark eyes showing his happiness instead of his face.

L turned back to his own grave, squatting down to pull the lollipop from the cold grip of the snow with his thumb and forefinger pinched around the stick. He brought the candy up to his face to examine it. He stopped when he saw the letters on the wrapping, squinting at it for a moment before chuckling, showing it to Watari, who laughed as well.

L was just beginning to carefully peel the wrapping from his lollipop as Matt walked around to him, showing him his piece of paper and the one he had saved from Mello's hungry mouth as he licked the wrapper of his chocolate clean. He asked L a question about the papers, causing L to laugh happily, pointing to the lettering on them and explaining something, but all Near could make out was "Merry Christmas", which was what he had tried to write.

Watari joined the pair with his own piece of paper, saying something like "He wrote me one too". Near could feel a small blush creep across his cheeks, his mouth still open in shock. Finally Mello rose from his seat in the snow, striding over and snatching his paper from Matt's hands, yelling something angrily at him, for which Matt protested back.

L finished unwrapping his candy, looking lovingly at it once before popping it into his mouth happily. He stood hunched for a minute, sucking on his lollipop contentedly with one hand stuffed in his jeans pocket, watching Mello and Matt argue and occasionally sharing a few words with Watari before he stopped suddenly in mid-sentence, his dark eyes locking with Near's.

_"Ding, dong, ding, dong, that is the song."_

Near's expression was still utter shock when L smiled at him, tapping on Watari's shoulder and pointing to Near. Watari smiled as well, getting Matt and Mello's attention (with some difficulty) and gesturing over to where Near stood. The boy was frozen as the other two finally took notice of him as well, both of their faces simultaneously breaking out into grins.

L said something to the lot of them, which caused their smiles to fade, but then countered with something else, which brought their smiles back once more. They all turned to him, waving enthusiastically, mouthing thank-yous. It took Near a moment, but he eventually came to his senses and hesitantly waved back at them, smiling.

But then the wind picked up once more, causing the snow to begin its furious dancing once more. The tree boughs bowed, the bushes rustled. Overhead, a flock of doves sprang from the rooftop of Wammy's and flew in the direction of the forest.

Near's four friends still waved at him from their graves, their expressions hinting sadness. Near was confused for a moment, staring at them as the snow swirled around their feet, but realizing just a moment too late what was happening.

"No!" he cried out, taking a few staggering steps through the rapid blizzard towards his friends, reaching out with his tiny hands. "Don't leave me again!"

Their smiles disappeared as they understood what he said, replacing them with sad or stony expressions. Their hands lowered as the snow reached their knees, looking up at Near with sad eyes filled with emptiness.

Near felt the tears burning on the edges of his eyes again, and this time he didn't fight. He just watched helplessly as his friends were being consumed by snow, letting the tears fall.

L took a step forward through the snow swarming around his legs, handing Watari his lollipop to hold and cupping his hands around his mouth, yelling something Near couldn't understand.

"What?!" Near yelled back, raising his hands in confusion. The snow had reached his friends' waists.

"Merry Christmas, Near!" L yelled as loud as his usually quieter voice would allow him, and Near finally got the message.

"Oh," Near muttered, clutching his scarf around his neck for dear life, squinting through the blizzard at his disappearing friends. "Merry Christmas, L!" he screamed over the storm. L smiled, seemingly hearing him, and took his lollipop back from Watari, nibbling on it as he and the others were up to their chests in snow.

"Hey, we'll come back next year, alright?" Matt yelled, Near easily picking up on his voice. He nodded tearfully.

"O-Okay, goodbye!" he called with a small wave. The others waved back until they were completely hidden from his view by the snow, which swirled out of the courtyard and into the air gracefully.

Near ran forwards to where his friends had stood, waving up at the disappearing cloud.

"Goodbye!" he yelled again and again until he was sure the swirling cloud was nothing more than a spec in the sky.

He stood there, staring up into the vast whiteness above until his eyes hurt. What brought him back to Earth was the continued sounds of the carolers in the house, finishing their song.

_"Ding, dong, ding, dong, that is the song!" _

He snapped back to reality, turning his gaze to the ground where, at his feet lay a piece of paper. He bent and picked it up, turning it over in his hands to read what was written on it.

_Merry Christmas, Near. We'll come back soon, we promise. You just don't know when, which we will always keep a surprise. We look forward to seeing you again soon._

_-L, Watari, Mello, Matt_

Near laughed breathlessly, wiping at his tears with his cold sleeves. Suddenly the empty hole in his chest that had ached so much earlier felt like a warm blossom blooming inside his heart. He folded the paper and slipped it inside his pocket next to his finger puppet of L, which he kept with him always.

His smile stayed the whole rest of the day, and stayed in his heart the whole rest of his life. Near never forgot that one Christmas Eve when his dead friends came back to wish him a merry Christmas.

Near from then on visited Wammy's as often as possible, hoping for another glimpse of his deceased heroes. And he got to see them every year on Christmas and never before.

But he still came anyways, feeling that warm part in his chest flare up every time he stepped through the iron-wrought gates.

_"Merry Christmas, Near."_

_"Merry Christmas, L. I'll see you soon."_


End file.
